It has occurred to me recently to proffer a new but inevitable thread here where we grow thoughts intent on nourishing… on death. While I have strong feelings on the subject, I’m never quite sure what I want to say. But then, what “I” want to say is not really what matters. Instead, it’s simply what needs to be said.
A CNN news story reports today that Julie Winnifred Bertrand, the worlds oldest woman passed away in Coaticook, Quebec. Born September 16, 1891, she was 115, and expired peacefully in her sleep. Today a memorial will be held in Scottsdale for a young woman born July 2, 1971, who chose to end her life January 7, 2007. Tina was only 36. While I didn’t have the opportunity of meeting and knowing Julie Bertrand, I did meet Tina, even if I didn’t really get to know her. I interacted with her and her fiancee at the time. I appreciated her beauty, as a woman, and as a gentle spirit.
The circumstances around which she rationalized that taking her life, as recounted by her former fiancee, may have been the best option, resonated with me, especially going through the holidays, when there is soooo much concern about “thing” giving and receiving, “bling” posturing and deceiving, and little true consideration about love. Yes, we will oftentimes give gifts to those we love, but too often there will be hell to pay if we don’t give “in the right way,” or “the right thing”. This isn’t real love. And what about those who need assistence outside the holiday season, when no one is watching? Somewhere we know that this is mostly for show, and not real.
There is a very strong, unconscious desire to participate in the holiday spirit of things, which includes “shopping until dropping.” But for those who, for whatever reason, can’t afford to participate, or think they will be judged unkindly for this inability, it can be a difficult time. Add to that the stress of a mountain of debt, the inability to make even normal ends meet, and no clear inner vision of how you can get through it, and you have the potential for meltdown.
If we’re not able to take care of our own responsibilities, it is easy to take a dim view of self, and seek escape by simply exiting the “stage of life” altogether. In my view, that’s what Tina did. I know what she went through because I went through similar circumstances (still getting through them), but my response was different. My vision of what lies ahead, that I’ve worked very hard for, remained clear. Her choice to end her life had a sad impact on my heart.
Death engenders a wide range of responses, depending on how the life was lived, even more than what was actually “accomplished.” In referring to “how the life was lived,” I’m not referring to credentials earned, or money that was amassed, but of the joy that was embraced and carried around day-to-day and shared with others. That joy is as a light within us, which makes dark places not so dark and fearful places not as scary. Joy is a powerful force for positive change in our life, and in our world. Sadness is often felt upon examining a life just ended, when we see those who did not discover, embrace, and exercise their joy.
It has been said, what we don’t use, we lose. Tina was not joyful. Joy is one thing that cannot be given to another, nor taken away by another. However, we can choose not to “tap in” to it ourselves, by simply refusing to be joyful, “capping” it, in effect.
News reports say that Bertrand was tough, feisty and self-sufficient. Tina was tougher and more capable than she knew. For all of her troubles with money that contributed to her decision, she had been tough and capable enough, according to her former fiancee, to create a job opportunity that would have meant a six-figure income, had she kept saying yes to life, and to herself, for two more monts. But then, it’s never really about the money, although we so often think it is. Perhaps it’s about loving who we are, as we are, no matter what the circumstance. Perhaps it’s about being at peace within ourself, no matter what. Perhaps, in that way, we can live life fully, and also leave a warm impression in the hearts of others when we pass on.
More on death soon…
